Knock and it shall be opened.

This past week i have felt so discouraged, getting hit by a car while walking and having injuries hasnt been the most greatest experience. . Anyways, back to the whole discouraged thing,   and questions passed through my mind about everything, i became distant,  i felt like temple was getting farther away and that i was doing something wrong,  i didn't feel close to my garments like i did when i came out of the temple for the first time.  I became quite sad and discouraged.  It was at 12 am where i knelt down and prayed, asking for guidance.  Afterwards, i sat there and listened ...nothing.  I became even more discouraged. 

After i went into my room and turned back on the relief society broadcast, the first speaker spoke about my temple covenants; and the second speaker talked about comfort and than our dear sweet president came on, he expressed that we are not alone, and charity is important, he also spoke of a story that sounded almost like mine, i felt abandoned. His words touched my heart. And i felt my saviors love for me, i knew i wasn't alone,  i realized i needed to go to the temple again and just listen and love and remember my covenants. 

This past week, my heart has been so hating, and so vile. Anger took over alot of it. Getting hit  by a car by a teenage punk and just hating him, but later on, something happened.  His mother called, telling me how sorry she was. As she sat there apologizing she expressed that her husband walked out on her, and her son acting out was not helping, she had to have three jobs to support her family, and even though she expressed how tight things were, she offered to pay for everything, even emotionally.  Her heart was so heavy, i felt it, and i felt the love god had for this woman, i said " don't worry, i'm okay, you  take care of your family, im okay"  i felt her heart and the burden that was on it, lifted up and her spirit became happier.  

At that moment i realized my prayer had been answered, i felt his love through this story.  I forgave.  

i remembered the scripture,  Matthew 7: 7 and it just made my heart feel the spirit.  He does answer prayers, maybe not the way you think it should, but when he does, you feel his love.  

This past week i also made some changes that i never thought i would have.

I called and canceled my tanning membership It was hard because i did it because it made me look older and i kept getting compliments on how much healthier i looked and more grown up rather than without tanning lotion i looked 16 and to young to have kids, i canceled it because the tanning lotion was staining my garments, i didn't like that. It made me quite sad.  That was a sacrifice i made.  I realized the worldly things don't matter. I also made a commitment to save money and not get my eye brows waxed etc.  I was beautiful the way god made me.  

 

The devil is always near us. Trying to get us to care about the worldly things, and trying to discourage us and lure us away from our father in heaven. i dont really care or like the devil.. 

Ps. I got extended a calling last week of being the woman who stands up and gives the visiting teaching lesson to the relief society on Sunday and motivating them to teach, and telling them how this months lesson makes me feel and helping them to understand that months lessons, and what it means to me. and that made me realize, one of my talents,  for so long i have been so desperate to find my talent that god gave me, i have tried so many hobbies,  sewing, jewelry, making hats, crocheting, making soaps, photography, singing, violin, drums, piano, crafts, scrapooking, drawing, reading, websites, etc. i have literally tried everything and was beginning to think my talent was shopping, spending money and stressing about everything,  And i realized my talent, finally, i was put here with a very special talent, to motivate and to teach, and to help people. To help them get back up on their feet. I than also realized that throughout my life when so many people tried to get through to some people but could not, and just gave up on them, i didn't, i was the one who could get through to people. I related to them from the experiences i had in life. And they became happier and got back up on their feet.   It is a very strong and powerful talent.  I may not have the best crafting skills or anything worldly but i do have a gift and that's good enough for me. God has blessed me. 

Oh a camping we will go and other shenanigans!

Ben took the kids on a campout with the ward up to spruces.  It was Jasper's second camp out and Shiloh's first:)  They did great.  I wasn't worried quite as much this time. Ben's father took his five kids camping every month since they were Shiloh's age. The mountains is where Ben loves to be. Its his passion. So i'm glad they had some father and son time.  As for me?  Well, i have a friend who works at the theater, so i got in free and went to go see two movies,  Despicable me and Mortal Instruments ( for the fourth time...)  I have to admit, Jace is my crush...so i just go to see him and his beautiful face.
Despicable me 2 was kinda crude.. it seemed more like a teenager show rather than a kid show... i didn't really enjoy it as much.  

Here are some cute photos of the camp out.  I got them a cute little tent before they left as a little fun gift. They had a blast.  They were tired the next day for sure. Stayed up late. Did marshmellows etc.   They said it wasnt to cold. So im glad.   We got Sleeping bags for Christmas so we packed those up and a Camping lantern and some food water etc:)  The whole shebang.   

Well the cold is coming on... I hate winter and i hate the cold... i don't think i hate anything else more than the cold and winter.... It reminds me of that horrid townhouse we lived in In west Jordan.. so dull and so gloomy and miserable. No yard, Horrid neighbors, etc  we were totally tricked into that place.. BUT we are in our own house now,  a quite big one, with a hill and a huge yard and in the neighborhood i grew up in  and Jasper has all kinds of friends to play with any day and great ward for sure :) so i'm excited to see what this year has to hold for winter.  I love decorating for Christmas though  :)

Plus my birthday is in December which means Park City up at our condo that my parents bought. 

 Cant believe i'm going to be 24. 

Halloween is coming up right around the corner.  I got Jasper and Shiloh costumes, but i wasn't so creative this year. Money is money, and since we have a house now and other expenses  I figured costumes are 30-40 dollars and they only wear it once... so i found some cute superman and batman pj's that had a cape etc.. and i thought to myself... that works and this way they can make the memory last and  wear them alot. :)  Jasper was excited to be superman.  I got two of each  so they each have a superman and batman outfit.

Ben and I went to the temple again for our date. I did a name. Elvira Coleman. She was born in 1905 in Lawrence Ohio.  It was exciting and a special experience to help someone else out who was dead.  I just love going to the temple.. it just makes me feel great. Helps me get away from the stresses of life. 

Bad day all around. Prayer made it better.

Well today was hard, last night i updated my phone to the IOS7 on my iPhone,  the next day, none of my chargers would work in any outlets. It kept saying, " charger not acceptable for this accessory." so i tried others with no luck. My phone was dying,  my cell phone is my only way of communication since we don't really have a home phone.  I text and  call and do email on there. I carry it everywhere. Anyways, so i ran to Walmart, i got this charger that the woman gave me. ( im kinda oblivious when it comes to those things)  i bought the darn thing which cost 29.00     i went out to my car to charge my phone, it didn't work.  So i ran back in and returned it, and went back in the back to find another one, she said they didn't have one and there was none in back stock... so i ran over to the wireless cell phone place in the same store again. They didn't have one there either and so i went in the back again and got a generic one... i went again back up to the front ( by than my patience was getting very low and my feet hurt) and i asked them to plug it in before i got it just to see if it would work.  She refused.... i got pissed.  I went out to the car after buying that one ( which was 14.00) and it didn't work.. I also lost my key to my car, i literally broke down.  And no one had my spare key,  I sat in my car and balled.  I said a prayer.  And sure enough i found my key, and my charger just started working .. and i also found my temple recommend that i lost while getting garments two days ago.. which broke my heart, it felt like loosing my drivers license ... its that important.  It was very sad indeed... anyways  it all turned out okay,  prayer is a great thing.. it was a miracle.

Yesterday we just had some fun taking photos.  Ill put those up.

The loss of a sister, and sealed for eternity to my family.

It has been a hard month. We have dealt with a ton, death, greedy people who only care about money and themselves, kids screaming spells, stress, battled the cold, and finally we got some relief, i am so proud and honored to say that Ben and I and the kids are sealed for time and all eternity, We got sealed in the Bountiful Temple on September 14th 2013. I never in my life have i felt so accomplished and filled with the spirit, Since going in and while i was in there, made me realize a lot. I'm so glad that i didn't invite a lot of people. It was very personal and very private. I only invited people whom i love and i know love me.

Jasper started preschool, He just loves it, He loves his teacher Ms Judy, he goes three times a week, and it has helped his social skills, he has grown up with older kids and learned how to play with them. rough housing etc  it is nice to have him play with kids his own age and learn what they do.  The preschool is right around the corner which is a bonus.  No matter what, i wont ever sell my kids short of education, we always put money aside to put in their education fund etc. it is very important they have the right education, it is almost impossible in this world to get by with no education,   i want them to get the best.

First day of preschool.

My parents came home from another mission and trip to Europe, They were gone a whole month. It was hard.
Ben and i got the awesome thing,  we won a trip to Cancun. Free round trip and hotel :)  Im glad that God is watching over us and giving us a break. We need it.

It has totally baffled me how greedy people can be. I cannot believe how much money effects people. You think that you found great people and than when money becomes involved, you realize a lot about that person,  threatening never helps, ultimatums never help, it just makes people shut down, and in all reality, my family is very powerful, and don't put up with crap, we have never lost a case, and we always find a loophole. And in this case, we know we have won, we talked to a judge and the STATE attorney he is our friend and he is the most paid attorney in the state of Utah and most wanted,  , and gave the whole situation, detail by detail, making an agreement on paper and typing it up or printing it off a website and making us sign it  is not "legal " unless they themselves took it to court and had it finalized by law, there was no stamp, it was written up and most likely copied off a website. We signed it.  but details which im not disclosing at this point,  its not in our field, and technically we have the right to back down unless it was stamped by a lawyer, we even went to a small claims court and presented the case to the judge there and even he said, what i just stated.   yet we are turning the cheek like God teaches us and sucking it up and we are paying their debt. like i said, money takes over peoples minds, I find it very difficult to not be prideful in this, demanding  people never gets what they want.   I don't get some people. Threats don't help. haha People think by threatening it will get what they want, and in all reality, it only makes it worse.   it made me realize what it said in my patriarchal blessing " the most important thing and challenge you have in this world, is your choice of good friends. They can either lead you for good or for bad,  I'm sure glad that i have my ward friends and great friends who i have had for years. Trust is hard to get.   I really am so sick of bad friends and selling myself short of things, i'm not going to get walked on,  so i decided to get rid of those people in my life and it honestly has made me so much more happier.

I lost a very close friend, one i would call my sister. Jennie.  It happened so suddenly and when i found out, it broke my heart, her husband found her dead on the couch in the morning, her health was just to much for her to handle and God took her with open arms. Im so glad she isnt in pain anymore. She had a son that she adopted and the most adoring husband. She had just graduated with her bachelors degree a month ago. She had so many trials in her life with her health but that didn't stop her for one moment, she strived to be the best she could and to look for the positive. She was basically my sister,  so many are aching for her. My prayers go out to her family.  I pray for them everyday, i cant imagine the pain they are going through,

Jennie. Love you girl, Watch over your son and husband, they need your love more than you can understand.

Our trip to the dinosaur park.  It was empty so it was nice to have just us there roaming the park oh and by the way, Jazz took this photo.

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We had to get rid of our rooster Dumbo, he was getting aggressive and was just to loud, so i had to call animal control.  It really sucks that when you get the chicks they don't know the gender.  Dumbo was Jasper's chicken,  he was sad when

 " dumbo went to McDonald's farm"   Our hens are starting to lay twice a day, sometimes once.  They are fresh eggs. and its nice to give some out to our loved ones and neighbors.  Saves on money for eggs.  Fresh eggs are the best.  Jasper collects the eggs.  Its nice only having two hens. They are warming up and just so lovable.

We promised Jasper that he could get a new chick next year, here is hoping its not a dang rooster.  waking up at 5 am hearing that turd rooing wasn't nice, and all day, even through Shiloh's nap. So glad he is gone.

Basically points and everything

I just realized i never put the updated pictures up of my family. So ive decided im going to do that now.

So there are those.   

As we went to our friends wedding, i realized when we walked by the temple that, this temple is so majestic... i mean  look at that architecture.  Wow. 

Anywho.. 

On another note, My mono is seriously flaring up again. It totally blows.  I slept in till 1230   thank god that Ben is here on the weekends, and than i went to church   fell asleep in relief society, and got home and slept for two hours.  Ugh... Seriously? how gay is that?!  

*It has been now Two weeks since we have not talked with Ben's parents. Its honestly for the best, I put a trespass order against them, and a no contact order for the time being, to protect my emotional well being,  Never in my life have i felt so happy and protected from Ben's parents, its honestly a relief.   

*Jasper got glasses

* I am taking a self defense woman's class:)

* I have been a motivational speaker in two classes now and tell each of those woman and men my story and how i overcame that trauma. 

* Shiloh has learned to say, 1-2-3 and " NO"  

*  Jasper has shown amazing skills in drawing, no joke, i don't think you understand how articulate this boy is, Every parent says their kid is  but my son could out beat a 2nd grader.. seriously not to mention he knows some Spanish.

* Bens carrer is just shooting through the roof,  He has been a graphic designer and web designer for now 5 years, and he was getting paid extreemly well, and now he has announced he is also doing freelance work. He already has 6 clients, so he is a teacher at a college, a graphic designer and a freelance artist. He is pretty much amazing. 

* I have decided im going to re decorate my house, Ben doesnt know, neither does his bank account.... shhhh! What i say on this blog, stays here. :p 

* Im attempting dancing and cooking,  i seriously have started a fire in our kitchen 4 times... i burn everything i make, this is not an exaggeration, I hate cooking with a passion. but i have realized, my kids are growing up and my poor husband probably needs more than microwave dinners and eating out, and burnt food lol   so i have enrolled in a cooking class. Cross your fingers.  But my husband is so proud of my efforts i make to cook food. He shows gratitude in everything,

I have seriously got alot to say but quite honestly im sick of typing.

Xoxo

Better all the time

Im finally starting to realize that Facebook just needs to end and i need to be more productive on a blog.. its easier and honestly much different but Facebook has its " pros and cons"  seriously..
Anyways,  Summer is almost over and i realized that when i saw back to school supplies and i thought to myself, my son starts preschool on September 3rd :) I sat there and realized that he is growing up. It seems dumb to everyone when you say, they are growing up and they are only 3 months or a year etc... but my son is almost 4 and the most awesome little boy. Here ill prove it.

This summer has had its ups and downs.  Fireworks were Jasper's favorite thing ever.  Ive had to lighten up on hating them so bad because he is just obsessed.  

Still getting used to it..... They just piss me off so bad and people abuse that privilege of having them.

Jasper Fell and literally i thought he broke his nose.. but turns out it was okay. 

Luckily his dad has had alot of experience in that field and helped Jazz through it.

Shiloh has just loved being outside and loves playing and irritating his brother.

We have been through now, Getting almost run over, Eating dog poop and chicken poop, found out that permanant markers do stain even mouths, he has learned how to say, " thank you" and " daddy" and "mommy" and Bye"  it has taken a year and a half for him to learn.  It took Jasper 10 months and he was talking up a storm, shiloh is for sure different, but he is so little and lovable and do darn cute. 

Im almost terrified to take him out in public because he constantly has bruising on his face and scratches all over his body, its rare if there isnt bruises.  Im so scared that people will think i abuse him haha

Hes cute! He has the cutest and most unique laugh i have ever heard, it makes me burst out laughing.  He is into literally everything and loves to explore.

Got a kitten.. We have so far, two dogs and two cats, a fish and three chickens. Yep were covered.

Our other cat is kinda being a priss still towards Alex.  Oh yeah. Jasper named him, Alexander the lion cat.

Still struggling with Bens parents... I dont know how to even describe them... worst thing that has ever happened to me.

 Blah... 

I have recently gotten an obsession with One Direction... i never ever get attached to bands...but im obsessed.

Oh yeah, we have three roosters... we got chickens to do the whole egg laying thing, The store said they were all hens, ya..... guess its my luck

 I gained now 15 pounds this summer :)  Awesome right?!  This surgery has really just been for the best.  Although i struggle with knowing ill never have children again... ill never have that beautiful baby girl. :( i hate when i see people on facebook all excited about their pregnancies... screw them. 

Sometimes woman are better off without their womanly parts... like the reproductive systems.. sometimes it is really not that healthy.. im healthier with it out. Never been healthier. My moods are having a hard time though.. still getting used to only having one ovary.. hormones are out of whack...

went to six flags for the first time.. Jasper and Shiloh loved it. So did ben and I:)

Have seen man of steel and alot of movies.  Never miss a week where we dont go to the movies:)

ill write more later my computer is dying. 

Not a good day...

This whole day has been a terrible day. I cannot even express to you the stressfulness of the day.   Last night was even worse... and it just led on today. Maybe i'm just overreacting  but whatever, it is what it is,  The main events were
- Shiloh Fell and cracked his head open.  You feel like such a bad parent when something like that happens to your baby, it didn't bleed but his skull was cracked:,( I was seriously, three feet away, and he is a one year old who literally is always climbing and getting into trouble, it is very rare if you don't see a bruise or a scratch on this kids face, he is just into everything, but this time was literally the worst... right as he fell i screamed and shot up and went to him and picked him up and immediately looked at his eyes to see if the pupils were dilated, they were, i tested his reactions and to see if he responded to things, he was screaming which didn't make things easier, i cradeled him and the doctor later said to keep him awake and to keep his head elevated, it wasn't the worst they had seen by any means but it was still a crack and a concussion, pretty serious.  seeing your baby hurt, is the worst feeling and you just ache for them.  My heart has never ever beat so fast in my life and i was so terrified.  If anything happened to my small Shiloh, i would never forgive myself.
- My chicken, Pippin got attacked by a cat, and when i sent the dogs after the cat, Sam attacked the cat,  the neighbor ( who is hispanic whom nobody likes in the ward... )  Figures, came over and yelled. That cat attacked my chickens! I was rightfully protecting my family. I feel terrible about the cat, it was only doing what cats do.  My cat however doesn't hurt the chickens. She loves them. I didn't know Sam would be that protective. i sent them out to scare it, not hurt it,  Sam is such a loyal and calm dog, but he obviously saw that the chicken was in danger.  I feel terrible about the cat. The chickens were in my yard, just grazing and doing their thing and they never go outside of my yard, they stay near and are very loyal. Pippin is alright, no harm, i just am worried about the cat :( even though it did wrong to my babies, i still love animals. hope its okay
- president monson's wife passed on and it just really made me sad, i never knew the man but the dedication he had for that woman and his church is unbelievable.. my heart goes out to him..
- we watched the last office finale tonight and can i just say how hurt i was?  They had to put in a baby who got abandoned... why the hell did they need to put that clip in. It bugs me so bad when kids get treated like dirt, because their parents dont know how to be parents and dont care too.. it hurts me, No child should be treated like that or abandoned. It ruined the whole show, after that point ( twenty minutes into the show, not even that) i stopped watching really.
- had an open house scentsy party/cookie lee jewelry  and the people who said they would come, bailed. Leaving me with the food made, and everything else i had gotten ready. I don't just do it to sell stuff, i do it to visit and talk with my friends/family. I don't get to do that often, :( i love scentsy and have done it for three years, it makes me feel like i have a job, i love the smells, the people. and  helping to bring in money, I know Ben brings in great money, he is very successful  and does well, but i do the same routine everyday ( i love being a mom don't get me wrong) but i want to feel like i'm doing something too, besides being a mom. If that makes any sense.
- Mowed the lawn,  biggest mistake of my life. Even though i had surgery three weeks ago, its still very tender and healing, i mean getting your whole uterus and everything taken out is pretty serious,  Started bleeding right after,  i knew i shouldn't have done it, but there was dandelions everywhere they pop out of nowhere in like.... twenty minutes its crazy! , anyways, and it just needed to get done, if you know me at all, i like to have a nice looking house, i take pride in my home, anyways i passed out, it sucked..
it just was a bad day, this is just bits and pieces.   i just had to vent,  sorry for the depressing blog