My happiness is found within the walls of my home and family.

Sorry it has been such a long time since i wrote last. I really have a ton to say. First off.  We booked a trip to Jamaica!!!  My life dream has been to go to the Carrabiean.  And i finally decided now was the time. Before we get into our dream house and before the kids can remember we went hahaha. I honestly dont know how im going to live a week with out seeing them!  I could barely stand 3 days!  :D Passports were the hard part. hahaha i was stupid enough to book the flight and trip before we got the stupid passports... so we rushed ordered them and they will be here by June 14th. We leave on July 1st and stay till the 7th. 
Jasper is seriously pushing the limits on everything hahaha.  Drew on the tv and laptop with marker. And movies don't keep him still anymore And he always wants to play with the neighbor boys. " Mom, friends?"  . I guess he is growing up eh? Geeze one more year and he will be in preschool.   We got him a toddler bed and a big boy potty:)  Has not gotten out of his bed once and loves it. He actually sleeps better.  The potty still needs some work :p but he will get there!  Fast learner.

Shiloh is now 3 months and is very hard to keep happy. Very cholicy and fusses often. Always needs to be held. And wakes up when you set him down. We have tried to break him of the habit, but he is just set in stone with it. But when he is happy, the whole world knows it. He has such a beautiful smile. i cannot believe i got so lucky with two wonderful little boys!  God sure has blessed me! Even though they are hard and a trial sometimes, the good times are more and i learn every single day and become more happier with my life. Being a mom is what i was supposed to do. And being a wife is what i love doing. 
My health is doing alot better. Cancer is out of the ovaries :) And i'm more active. 

Spring cleaning and kids..and a kiss on the bum

Ok so when you spring clean ( or clean anything for that matter) when you have a toddler or kids. I swear its literally IMPOSSIBLE to keep it clean.  I cannot even express how hard it is to keep a floor yet alone the walls clean. hahah BUUUT it got done none the less and stayed clean for 20 minutes!:D an accomplishment.
Ben and I went to see the Avengers tonight and it was pretty much amazing! I got chills basically the whole movie! Thor and Iron man are pretty much HOT... and the hulk is STEAMY!! I will never stop having a crush on Mark Ruffalo.. ( the guy who plays the hulk)
Funny story. Jasper today fell off the couch and landed on his butt,  he started screaming  and i said
Me: Where do you want me to kiss to make it better?
Jazz: My bum
Me: you want me to kiss your bum better?
Jazz: yes mom

The pleasures of being a mom. So to stop his screaming i gave him a peck on the bum hahaha and he stopped crying:)  its those cute moments where you feel like the hero :)   I love Jasper. Oh so much:) A kiss always makes things better no matter what :)
Shiloh is growing up a storm.. he only sleeps though if im holding him.. if i set him down he screams bloody murder and we have done everything to try and break him of this habit. ugghhh!! Still a cutie though.  
Anyways.
:D

My Angels. Just had to brag. ...again..

Learn to appreciate life better.

Another Day and another memory has come into my mind.  My little Shiloh is growing up so fast. ( and i know he is only 8 weeks old ) but seeing that smile pop up on his face and him start to " coo" and be more aware just makes my heart melt.  He is so much different than my little Jasper was. But im learning more and more about motherhood and what it takes and what each and every mother ( for the most part) has to deal with, Mothers should get respect. They put their whole being into their children. They are selfless, honorable. ( most of them)  and i just love being a mom. Most people take for granite each day. Me? yes i admit i do sometimes too. Im human. but i've realized that the more time i spend with my kidlets the more i learn to appreciate myself, life,  and my own mother.   Its hard. Its stressful and puts a strain on marriage ( at times) , life etc but if you really look deep into it and just love every moment and try and make it the best, i PROMISE YOU you will learn to love life even more.

One Proud Aunt Kelly!

My little Kinny Kins turned 1!  I am one proud aunt! I absolutely love this chunky girl! She is just a  joy! A sassy joy! :) 

 

In laws and crossroads

WELL.... it has been a tough week.  First let me ask the question.." How do you get along with someone who doesn't choose to let the other person in and has a guard up all the time because of your past?"   My dearest mother in law has made it clear she doesn't trust me because of my past.  AND so im at a crossroads. Ben and I have come to a point where its his mother or me.   He has chosen me and to stand and support me. Which i appreciate but all the same. it should not have gotten to this point where there had to be an ultimatum to make any of us feel supported.. i dont feel that he should HAVE to choose. Im sorry that Kristin cant just accept me for me. And know that i have changed completely . Over the last few days i have pondered that in order to change, you YOURSELF have got to change and be willing to change. I personally have changed my attitude about my past and have accepted it. No one can live in the moment or hope for the future and proceed without letting go and living just for the now.  But if the past keeps getting brought up of course there is going to be hell especially if i feel judged.  Believe it or not, we do choose our thoughts. We may habitually think the same thought over and over so that it doesn't seem as if were choosing the thought but we did make the original choice.  I also realized that the road to freedom is through the doorway to forgiveness. We may not know how to forgive and we may not want to forgive but if were willing to forgive we may beging the healing process to a better happier inner peace. Im not saying that is all right that someone behaved in a misguided way, however we must be aware that the past is over. we only carry the hurt and the memory in our mind.  is is what we want to let go of. the pain were continuing to cause ourselves because we wont forgive.   I find that the resentment criticism, guilt and fear cause most of the problems in ourselves and in our lives.  these feelings come from blaming others and not taking responsibility for our own experiences.   whatever is happening " out there" is only a mirror of our own inner thinking.   I have accepted that i have not been the most perfect human being and i have made many mistakes. but that doesn't show who i am nor should i be judged none the less.  I am me. I am family. We have all got to accept each others qualities and move on. It is becoming childish and i will not stand for that to be around my sons.   Hatred consumes. I choose to forgive but i choose not to respect unless i feel i have been seen for who i am instead of what i was.

Pictures Galore...Wonderful Two DAYS!!!

I absolutely love the feel of spring/summer!   I felt amazing the last two days! Ben and I went on a day date and went laser tagging and mini golfing and to the arcade and to a movie. It was a blast!  I also got the opportunity to get a new wardrobe:) yes ...shopping galore!  We also got our taxes back!  We have played out side a lot lately and i love it! it feels amazing to fit in my jeans and shorts again!  I also decided im going to do zumba 3 times a week:)    I got also the opportunity to get a new stroller! A sit and stand one that can hold Jazz and Shy!  It has been a great two days!