Not a good day...

This whole day has been a terrible day. I cannot even express to you the stressfulness of the day.   Last night was even worse... and it just led on today. Maybe i'm just overreacting  but whatever, it is what it is,  The main events were
- Shiloh Fell and cracked his head open.  You feel like such a bad parent when something like that happens to your baby, it didn't bleed but his skull was cracked:,( I was seriously, three feet away, and he is a one year old who literally is always climbing and getting into trouble, it is very rare if you don't see a bruise or a scratch on this kids face, he is just into everything, but this time was literally the worst... right as he fell i screamed and shot up and went to him and picked him up and immediately looked at his eyes to see if the pupils were dilated, they were, i tested his reactions and to see if he responded to things, he was screaming which didn't make things easier, i cradeled him and the doctor later said to keep him awake and to keep his head elevated, it wasn't the worst they had seen by any means but it was still a crack and a concussion, pretty serious.  seeing your baby hurt, is the worst feeling and you just ache for them.  My heart has never ever beat so fast in my life and i was so terrified.  If anything happened to my small Shiloh, i would never forgive myself.
- My chicken, Pippin got attacked by a cat, and when i sent the dogs after the cat, Sam attacked the cat,  the neighbor ( who is hispanic whom nobody likes in the ward... )  Figures, came over and yelled. That cat attacked my chickens! I was rightfully protecting my family. I feel terrible about the cat, it was only doing what cats do.  My cat however doesn't hurt the chickens. She loves them. I didn't know Sam would be that protective. i sent them out to scare it, not hurt it,  Sam is such a loyal and calm dog, but he obviously saw that the chicken was in danger.  I feel terrible about the cat. The chickens were in my yard, just grazing and doing their thing and they never go outside of my yard, they stay near and are very loyal. Pippin is alright, no harm, i just am worried about the cat :( even though it did wrong to my babies, i still love animals. hope its okay
- president monson's wife passed on and it just really made me sad, i never knew the man but the dedication he had for that woman and his church is unbelievable.. my heart goes out to him..
- we watched the last office finale tonight and can i just say how hurt i was?  They had to put in a baby who got abandoned... why the hell did they need to put that clip in. It bugs me so bad when kids get treated like dirt, because their parents dont know how to be parents and dont care too.. it hurts me, No child should be treated like that or abandoned. It ruined the whole show, after that point ( twenty minutes into the show, not even that) i stopped watching really.
- had an open house scentsy party/cookie lee jewelry  and the people who said they would come, bailed. Leaving me with the food made, and everything else i had gotten ready. I don't just do it to sell stuff, i do it to visit and talk with my friends/family. I don't get to do that often, :( i love scentsy and have done it for three years, it makes me feel like i have a job, i love the smells, the people. and  helping to bring in money, I know Ben brings in great money, he is very successful  and does well, but i do the same routine everyday ( i love being a mom don't get me wrong) but i want to feel like i'm doing something too, besides being a mom. If that makes any sense.
- Mowed the lawn,  biggest mistake of my life. Even though i had surgery three weeks ago, its still very tender and healing, i mean getting your whole uterus and everything taken out is pretty serious,  Started bleeding right after,  i knew i shouldn't have done it, but there was dandelions everywhere they pop out of nowhere in like.... twenty minutes its crazy! , anyways, and it just needed to get done, if you know me at all, i like to have a nice looking house, i take pride in my home, anyways i passed out, it sucked..
it just was a bad day, this is just bits and pieces.   i just had to vent,  sorry for the depressing blog

Never felt Healthier

As most of you know, i underwent a big surgery procedure.   Having a radical hysterectomy really does make you feel like your not a woman... but in all honestly.  I know that it was for the best. Never in my life have i ever felt so healthy. For years i have been going down a big downward spiral of no good health... it really has taken a toll on me.  I mean. having to have help watching my children for a year has really made me feel terrible   but i couldnt do it alone.  Im glad My wonderful husband Ben was there for me and my parents and Bens.  Jasper and Shiloh love going to grandmas and grandpas.  But now, i feel i can do it alone!    I am cancer free and have no more endrometriosis.  No more pain. :)
Since having my surgery, hiking has been the thing that has been making me feel awesome!

Love hiking with my boys!  

So while i have been recovering, ive got a thing for the show " Merlin"
Its pretty much amazing and i finished all 4 seasons... it was very sorely disappointing on the final episode.... No one knew about Merlin's powers... not even Arthur . And here i  was excited to see everyone's reactions of when Merlin came out and showed his true powers. Boo..... Anyways. its one of those things where you become so obsessed with a tv show ( buffy, vampire diaries, etc)  and than the whole thing ends and you have literal withdrawals.... Just so everyone knows...MERLIN IS MINE and so is Arthur.

Anyways...

  Surgery went fine. I went in and they gave me this retarded blue hat, and i looked at them and said " are you serious???   so than Dr Pead came back with another blue hat, but with tropical stuff on it:)  glad he knows me well enough,  i was pretty nervous going in and was sweating up a storm and really just freaking out and my anesthesiologist came in, and my mom worked with him, and he said that this medicine would calm me down....ya it was a tranquilizer hahah so after that i didnt remember squat.  All i remember is going in and Dr Pead holding my hand.    I trust my doctor. He has been through every surgery with me and i see him as a second father.. i'm really close to Dr Pead.   He got me through it :)   

I was in the hospital for a night and a half. I couldn't even walk.. i had to have a catheter in, and i couldn't even go pee... i had to re learn how to walk it was like, the pain was literally unbearable.. the air they put inside of you while having surgery is the worst.  But i had Ben by my side and i was in LDS hospital. Both parents  have worked there for about 40 years. So i know that hospital and most of the doctors due to that.  So i felt comfortable and i felt i was in good hands.   

i love my life. :) sorry its such a boring blog lol

Shiloh's first word

As advanced as Shiloh is, i mean walking at 7 months and running at 8 months, skipped crawling, and  the first word he said was " thank you"   or in his wording" dank you"   i mean.. this kid is something else! Jasper's first word was " shoes"  anyways he said it yesterday but i didnt catch on till today.  :) thought i would share that. Im just going to upload photos of the past two days. That will fill you in.

Happy Birthday my little Jasper

3 years ago today at 1:54 I gave birth to Jasper.  What an amazing 3 years it has been! Love this little boy!  When i first got pregnant with Jasper there was another story that most people do not know about. And im ready to share it now that i am more okay and have not quite moved on, but remembering more now, i almost blocked it out of my memory because it was to painful. But here is the story.

There was two. I lost one and i was blessed to have one still live. That was Jasper.  

I am writing about this because i feel that it is " her" birthday as well.  I want to honor them both.

Happy birthday little one.

Today Jasper and i got to spend some one on one time with each other. We watched movies, watered flowers, blew bubbles, and played catch. I loved the time i had with him alone. He is growing up so fast and is such an intelligent little boy.  We also went to the aquarium with his cousin Kinny and his Aunt Tyne, and Shiloh, and Grandma and Grandpa Whitehair. It was fun! He loved seeing the fish. And loved exploring. It was frustrating when we had to leave....he became somewhat.....a toddler hahah, you know..bad tantrum

but he fell asleep on the way home.

It was a fun day for him. I'm grateful to have him in my life.  My little boy is so smart and so intelligent.  The day he was born, i remember walking into a law office and right as i walked into the door my water broke, everyone was just stairing at me and one woman offered me a diaper. 

Luckily my mom was there with me and she rushed me into the hospital. Ben was not far behind.  I went natural from dilatation 7 on. it was misery during that time. haha i'm not going to lie.  But i held him for the first time and my heart never felt so much love.   He was strong and i knew it. He has since blessed our lives completely. Handsome little pup.  

We love our little Jasper. 

Happy Birthday.

Easter

As the sun came up yesterday i sat there and thought of Mary, how she went to the tomb and saw he was missing. I could almost feel her pain. Going from seeing her boy hang on the cross and being hated etc to going missing. Her heart must have sunk.  But than i thought of how she felt seeing him come to her alive! She must have been so relieved! What a sacrifice Jesus made for us.
 We went to church..   I felt so bad that i forgot to get the boys some Easter outfits! Luckily grandma and grandpa got some!  I used to be so good at getting stuff for the holidays, and now i have the hardest time remembering stuff!   I guess its part of being a mommy!  We also had an Easter egg hunt at our house before church.  Oh and can i just say that we ACTUALLY got to church on time?  How awesome is that?!  Jasper and Shiloh couldn't stay in sacrament meeting. They are the loud ones you hear while speakers are talking.  They are the ones that scream and talk loud, they are the ones that people stair rudely at because they are so loud. yep..those are my boys.    Anyways so we took them out into the area where people wait. They had a better time out there haha     We than went to Grandma and Grandpas to have dinner and a Easter egg hunt there. Jasper, Shiloh, McKinley and the Jacobs were all there! I loved having my whole family there!  It was fun!  I love my little family!    Our chicks are finally in a coop outside now:)  Such Cuties!

Chicken coops, Egg coloring and Flowers

Well, i cleaned the house today, than it got torn to bits again like ten minutes after i cleaned... the best part of having kids:) let me tell ya... anyways..  Took Samwise to the vet thinking he had an ear infection, it turns out he as an anal infection instead... wow.... poor dog.. anyways.  It was quite the experience .. poor thing got raped by a ..thingy ma-gig.  Hes on anti biotics now.  And he also got his shots. :)   Ben, Jasper and Shiloh and I went on some adventures today. To lowes  and pet co  and a farm store to buy chicken coop stuff:) Its time to take our chicks out of the house and into the real world of outside.    And can i just say, the reason why i dont take my kids shopping with me is because they become little hellions ...Shiloh screams bloody murder and Jasper likes to run around and take things off shelves and tease Shy.  And Shiloh reacts... so   Ben expierenced first hand what it was like... all this time he has said, " it cant be THAT bad." HA!  
Jasper and Shiloh got to color easter eggs today, and Ben and I went on a date to see G.I Joe....I CANNOT BELIEVE CHANNING TANTUM DIED WITHIN TEN MINUTES OF THE FILM!!! holy crap....   well it was a productive day!  I got some flowers too and some cant-elope seeds and watermelon seeds!

Sick day.

Thats all there is too it.  I have been in bed all day, Its one of those days where I was depressed, sick and miserable all in one.  thats all i have to say about today..