CHADRA MILLER You have graduated this life. Congrats

  Benjamin's Grandma died this past week. It has been a hard one for Ben   He loved her very much. One of the memories i remember of her is when we were having a family party and i couldn't find Ben anywhere. i finally went upstairs and Ben and her were playing video games in the bedroom. :) i sat there like....how old are you?     hahha  but Ben loved her.   She accepted me into this family. Every time she would talk to me, she would NEVER forget to mention my beautiful boys.  She was the sweetest lady.   When i first came into the Miller family i remember she used to sit on this bar stool in the kitchen and used to greet everyone. As time passed and she got sicker and sicker she moved to the chair in the living room, NO matter how terrible she felt, she ALWAYS said hello to me.    She was ready to go.   She had to be fed by tube. She was  getting worn out.  She would spend as much time as she could at the parties and than go upstairs.  She was so uncomfortable and so tired.   I am so glad i had the opportunity to meet this sweet lady.  i also got the opportunity to know she wasn't alone while passing.  Her mother and father were there to take her. And she wasn't scared. She wants her children to know how proud she is of them. And her grandchildren to know that she is watching over them,  and her sweet husband to know she is waiting. 
  I remember a story she told at a baptism shortly after Jasper was born,  how she got baptized in a river a cold river. But she didn't regret it once. She was strong in the gospel.  She kept the Miller family in line and made a great legacy behind her.   I'm glad god can now be with her now to hear her stories.  She deserves the best treatment after what she has gone through.    She was a tough cookie!  If there was one thing i could tell her right now as final words.  it would be " thank you for accepting me, even though i wasn't the best at first, you made no judgments.  You always made me feel welcome, i'm glad i had the opportunity to meet you."

Glad she is happier now.   
x0x0
Kelly

THREE MEN DOWN AT THE MILLER HOME!

Shy came down with a terrible cold last night.  Nasty nasty cold.   He cant breathe through his nose.  it runs constantly, fevers, chills, his eyes are watery. :( i spent probably 5 hours last night in the bathroom with the hot shower running to get his nose cleared up while trying to feed him. He was so miserable. :(  My dad since we got NO sleep last night went to go get some dymatap which Drew and I used when we were sick.  Luckily the pharmacist  said we can give him a little.( it was children s not infants.) it has helped.  
Jasper last night was up too, having a hard time breathing and coughing. He has croup. :(  Both kids in our bed.  humidifiers are throughout the house. The Vicks is out. and hopefully we can get some sleep tonight...hopefully.
My dad took the kids at 12.  I felt so bad just having them go while they were sick.  but i had to work at 3 so i NEEDED to get in an hour of sleep.  Having been running on NO sleep for four days, it has been extremely hard.  I guess i feel like a terrible mother.   The pioneers had no help.  I am eternally grateful that i have had my father and mother there for me through all of this and my whole life.
Ben is still struggling with his sickness. He has a really good immune system and hardly gets sick, but when he does, NO medicine will help and its really bad. I have yet to get sick...well.... i am sick.. just threw up so lets hope this work day goes by fast.. its only four hours.  The awesomeness of a part time job. :D  Plus i am the only one working. There is only two co workers here. Amanda and I, so i get to watch movies and relax.  Thank god!  not feeling the greatest now:( anyways.

I now have two jobs! And Two Sick Boys!

Okay, so don't get me wrong, being a mom is full time and overly stressful and overly joyful.  It is amazing. But me and my personality, i like to talk to people and learn i also love to get out every once and awhile.   So yesterday i went to see my friend Amanda, i saw a part time wanted for this dry cleaning place.   I asked about it,  got it the next day. I know they don't get much business and i know its just a " dry cleaners" but it would get me out of the house for 4 hours a day. Plus i would be earning some money to help with upcoming medical bills.  Ben encouraged me not to get a job because of my health and we make enough to support us and more with his job.   But, i feel it COULD make my health a bit better.  Emotionally at least. Getting out for a bit and socializing and taking a breath of fresh air maybe could do me some good.  Plus i am making my own money,  Being a mom, Ben gives me "allowance", yes, weekly at that because being a mom aint easy.  And he does it because he wants me to feel like i have a job and i don't need one in the outside world.  But i want to feel like i'm doing something for myself.
Ben would be working from home sometimes.  My parents would help the rest and Ben's for two hours a day. Ben comes home at five and i go in at three. Its really not that bad. They all live in Bountiful   where i will be working. Its just down the street from both of them.   I'm excited and I'm really anxious to see how it goes with my health + This new job.  But i will be working with One of my best friends, and i have known her since childhood. It is just me and her working there so :) i'm excited.  The Boys will always be with someone they know. either their grandparents or Ben.  and plus, ill only be gone 4 hours.  i would watch them during the day and leave for four hours and come home, spend time with them and put them to bed. :)   i'm talking it out because it sounds better to me that way. Im reassuring myself i guess you could say:D

Ben is sick currently. Ben has a really REALLY good immune system BUT when he does get sick, he gets it bad and no medicine will help.   It makes me sad..  

Shiloh is getting congestion. Which sucks.   So i put some eucalyptus scentsy bars in the warmer to soothe his nose at night and elevated his head.  I will also put a humidifier in there as well.   Lets hope that helps. Shiloh is a trooper though. He can do it.   

Jasper is still as crazy as can be. If he is sick, i don't notice due to his constant hyperness and eagerness to learn about everything.    Some mom i am huh? HA! 

We got internet in our house after two weeks yesterday! WAHOO!!!!!!!!

Heaven is not to far away.

Yesterday on  Sep 20th 2012  we put one of my best friends down. Muffin Chain Sam Schnebly.  ( named him when i was 7)  My dad gave him to me when my other friend died, Alveterzane.  He saved muffin as a kitten. Cutest thing ever. Always so cuddly, never hated, loved fish and cheese, and always growled when he ate cheese :)  Had an "m" on his forehead. The tips of his ears had fur that stuck up... it was cute and he looked like a tiger.  Such a small kitten. And grew to be fat. Always slept by me.  He was 14 and had a heart murmur and cancer, hadn't eaten for days,  when my dad informed me my kitty wasnt doing well,  and hadnt seen him for a few days, i got worried, when they finally found him, he could barely walk, my dad called me and i came down, i told him i would take him in, he was my kitty,  when we went in, i had a slight feeling i may not see him again. But there is always that hope.  Dr Verona told us that he was a very sick kitty, My dad gave me the decision of what to do.. He looked so sad and suffering so much,  its hard when someone who cant talk or express how they feels lives are put in your hands.. i let my pride down and said, ok its time.   They said they would sedate him so he wouldn't feel anything,  they put the cathitor in him  and as they did, i just kept telling him i loved him and that its gonna be OK   He had no will to even budge when they put it in.  They finally came in with the shot, and explained it was an overdose of something or another and it would stop his heart.... my heart broke.. this was the hardest thing i have ever had to do.. my dad and i sat there crying and i held his paw.  Made me sick to my stomach to even look at him... his eyes went black and his body went hard...  his eyes were open and awake when he passed.... my heart broke...i loved him.. he was apart of my family. A family member and one of my best and loyal friends i will ever have and did have. My dad buried him along side his brother Lizard and Alveterzane. Both his brothers in our Forrest at my parents. . This is a post i wont ever read again... I love you Muffin... i wrote it as a journal to remember and so others could remember you by.

New stuff, the fair and Gross people

In Honor Of September 11th I told Jazz the story and he went up to a flag and held it.
It was cute and touching.

The goat decided it was hungry... ate our stroller.

  Jasper and Shiloh and Ben and I got the time to go to the fair! Jasper loved it! He got to ride the roller coasters and ride ponies and see the bunnies and chickens and doves and got to pet the cows, ( although he wasn't so fond of the cows... they were loud and big)   Its pretty scary for a toddler to go up to something that big with horns. But he tried it. Thats all that matters.  Shiloh did welll as well.   He eventually got sick of everything and just wanted his mommy to hold him. He fell asleep in my arms and we decided it was time to go.   I have to admit. Fairs are expensive BUT the good news it we just walked in, without anyone noticing... hahahah so:-/ i mean  it was free rather than paying 20-30 bucks haha  we are so bad:)  anywho!  Ben and I were so worn out after hahaha Fairs and the sun drain ya! And the kids!   
 On another note, we got on the free way and noticed a piece of paper suck under the windshield... we quickly grabbed it.. it was a ticket none the less... it said i had a damaged licence plate and my decals were old... when we got home we looked... my licence plate was perfectly straight on both ends.  and i just got my car registered.  Either this cop was bored or he is just a dick... ANYWAYS. So i took pictures and i am going to go fight it, its ridiculous. My daddy agrees.   Ben and i have a habit of getting pulled over or ticketed for no reason whenever we drive together.  Its a curse.. mainly when we reach the Idaho boarder... we get pulled over everytime for the dumbest things,  going to slow, decals, a window cracked... oh check this one out,  and once going 3 over the speed limit on a road with no traffic...in the middle of no where... its so dumb.

Fun on the Ponies at the fair!

Cant Forget the Cotton Candy

My 7 month boy!! Such a cutie enjoying life!!

As you know im not so fond of the place. But i have done everything to make it homey. Its starting to feel safe and warm accept for the neighbors... freaks... They have like 6 people in a two bedroom house and they have a little chewowow ( or how ever you spell it)   They are so loud and so inappropriate.Plus they smoke, She lets her kids run around outside with a bra and no underwear and this girl is like 12 and i have witnessed them doing the nasty in the kitchen...their door was open, i took the liberty and went to shut it.. They got angry at me for doing so...My kids are outside playing idiots! They just dont know the meaning of birth control.  OR respect.   Anyways!   :)   
We had a barbeque on Sunday.   Both our families came over.   Jasper loved playing with Aunt Anna and Uncle Isaac at the park and in his new room! He has missed them!!! So grateful they came and my parents.  Its always nice to have company!    

The turtles are supposed to mean tranquility and peace and hardwork.

Our entertainment center

Part of our kitchen

Going to our upstairs

My awesome 4D shelf:)  looooove it!!!!!

Ill put more pictures up of the house later:)  These are just sneek peeks:)

The only way to survival is adaptation... and i suck at it.

On Sep 8th we made our big move. Honestly? Was it worth all the tears, heartache?     That was my home.  The day we were moving everything into the UHAL i was trying to avoid everyone, i don't take change well,  i decided to move because we needed a change. And living right next to the in-laws was very hard.    As i looked out my window, i saw all my friends and neighbors haul around and help us move. Tears literally came in my eyes, i was so grateful and so humble.   We had been there for almost 3 years and made memories that will last forever.  I hope that i get used to this place.  There is absolutely no space or storage.    The kitchen has no space for even silverware. We agreed to move into a town home for six months to get a taste of a real house, and than after 6 months we would make our huge move into a house.
   Its just six months right?   Well we haven't even been there a week yet alone four days and ive made enemies with two neighbors, I didnt even mean too.
  My car was parked in an uncovered parking spot ( first come first serve)  and my Latino neighbor bumped into my car and came to my door yelling at me telling me that THAT was her place... uhmmmmm.... she didn't even apologize for hitting my car.  
Suffice to say Through all of this. i made a friend yesterday at the park.   SO nice. I have missed all my friends. And Family.  All i wanted was someone to talk to, or relate with. She has a little two year old boy too:)
   I'm so lonely out there. It is so loud.  i try to make it to bountiful once a day.   Im so miserable out there.   Im hoping god can make it through my hardened heart and soften it for a little bit.
Im making it as homey as i can though.  :)  trying to stay positive.  
Upside is Jasper loves the new place.  Loves his new room. Im glad at least he does.   That makes me happier knowing he does. Ill take pictures of each room once i find places for things to go.. Love you all.

And Shiloh is now sharing a room with Jasper and they love it ... they play so nice together. Such great friends. 

Depressing

So tired after moving

First night in his new room