Learn to appreciate life better.

Another Day and another memory has come into my mind.  My little Shiloh is growing up so fast. ( and i know he is only 8 weeks old ) but seeing that smile pop up on his face and him start to " coo" and be more aware just makes my heart melt.  He is so much different than my little Jasper was. But im learning more and more about motherhood and what it takes and what each and every mother ( for the most part) has to deal with, Mothers should get respect. They put their whole being into their children. They are selfless, honorable. ( most of them)  and i just love being a mom. Most people take for granite each day. Me? yes i admit i do sometimes too. Im human. but i've realized that the more time i spend with my kidlets the more i learn to appreciate myself, life,  and my own mother.   Its hard. Its stressful and puts a strain on marriage ( at times) , life etc but if you really look deep into it and just love every moment and try and make it the best, i PROMISE YOU you will learn to love life even more.

One Proud Aunt Kelly!

My little Kinny Kins turned 1!  I am one proud aunt! I absolutely love this chunky girl! She is just a  joy! A sassy joy! :) 

 

In laws and crossroads

WELL.... it has been a tough week.  First let me ask the question.." How do you get along with someone who doesn't choose to let the other person in and has a guard up all the time because of your past?"   My dearest mother in law has made it clear she doesn't trust me because of my past.  AND so im at a crossroads. Ben and I have come to a point where its his mother or me.   He has chosen me and to stand and support me. Which i appreciate but all the same. it should not have gotten to this point where there had to be an ultimatum to make any of us feel supported.. i dont feel that he should HAVE to choose. Im sorry that Kristin cant just accept me for me. And know that i have changed completely . Over the last few days i have pondered that in order to change, you YOURSELF have got to change and be willing to change. I personally have changed my attitude about my past and have accepted it. No one can live in the moment or hope for the future and proceed without letting go and living just for the now.  But if the past keeps getting brought up of course there is going to be hell especially if i feel judged.  Believe it or not, we do choose our thoughts. We may habitually think the same thought over and over so that it doesn't seem as if were choosing the thought but we did make the original choice.  I also realized that the road to freedom is through the doorway to forgiveness. We may not know how to forgive and we may not want to forgive but if were willing to forgive we may beging the healing process to a better happier inner peace. Im not saying that is all right that someone behaved in a misguided way, however we must be aware that the past is over. we only carry the hurt and the memory in our mind.  is is what we want to let go of. the pain were continuing to cause ourselves because we wont forgive.   I find that the resentment criticism, guilt and fear cause most of the problems in ourselves and in our lives.  these feelings come from blaming others and not taking responsibility for our own experiences.   whatever is happening " out there" is only a mirror of our own inner thinking.   I have accepted that i have not been the most perfect human being and i have made many mistakes. but that doesn't show who i am nor should i be judged none the less.  I am me. I am family. We have all got to accept each others qualities and move on. It is becoming childish and i will not stand for that to be around my sons.   Hatred consumes. I choose to forgive but i choose not to respect unless i feel i have been seen for who i am instead of what i was.

Pictures Galore...Wonderful Two DAYS!!!

I absolutely love the feel of spring/summer!   I felt amazing the last two days! Ben and I went on a day date and went laser tagging and mini golfing and to the arcade and to a movie. It was a blast!  I also got the opportunity to get a new wardrobe:) yes ...shopping galore!  We also got our taxes back!  We have played out side a lot lately and i love it! it feels amazing to fit in my jeans and shorts again!  I also decided im going to do zumba 3 times a week:)    I got also the opportunity to get a new stroller! A sit and stand one that can hold Jazz and Shy!  It has been a great two days! 

WAHOO MOMENT!....

This is pretty much amazing! I got the call today and DRUM ROLL PLEASE...the cancer is out of my ovaries!!! THIS WAS LIFE CHANGING NEWS, it brought tears to my eyes and i finally got the motivation to get down on my knees and thank god for this miracle! This makes my family and i so happy! I just had to get this out there! :)

Wacky kind of month

I love spending the days with my two boys. Its an amazing experience to be a mother and a wife at the same time. Its challenging at times especially when your house is always a complete wreck because a certain toddler cant stop getting into things and drawing on everything but all in all it is such a blessing and i am so grateful that  i have Jasper and Shiloh in my life.  Shiloh is now smiling and cooing at everything and its so amazing to see him grow every second. Jasper is constantly on the go and in and out of rooms and outside and inside and wanting to draw and color and watch a movie etc.  It certainly keeps me on the go.
My health is very fragile at this point. I have to get a hysterectomy now as well as get my gallbladder out... they tied  the tubes etc and it still is spreading.. so I've decided to just get it all done so that the cancer cant spread to any more of my body. :(  I went through my second radiation treatment this month.. it made me so tired.. it honestly is very draining... emotionally and physically and mentally... especially when you have two little ones.   anyways this is the update!

Happy Easter!!!

Easter was very hectic but wonderful.  Jasper had three easter egg hunts. :)  He is such an adorable sweetheart.  We got to spend this wonderful day with our families and i can honestly say i am so grateful for my family.  It was such a beautiful day.   I want to take time to express that i am also eternally grateful for this day every year. It reminds me also of one special man. Jesus Christ. He died for you and I. He suffered and died so we could repent. :)
Anyways easter day was amazing. Went to church and it was Shiloh's first time at church:) It went well. I am surprised Jasper has not gotten used to nursery already.  After six months im quite concerned. He screams bloody murder every week.  And for the  whole time. Im very concerned. But what can i say?.. he is a mommy's boy.:)

Two years old and wiser too!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR SWEET JASPER.

His birthday was a success and it was so great for everyone to come and support my boy:)   i cannot believe he is two already! He is such a blessing in my life and in the life of our family  Im so proud to call him my own and my son. He is so blessed to have so many great people in  his life. Thank you to all who came and supported my boy.