Saturday, May 18, 2013

Not a good day...

This whole day has been a terrible day. I cannot even express to you the stressfulness of the day.   Last night was even worse... and it just led on today. Maybe i'm just overreacting  but whatever, it is what it is,  The main events were
- Shiloh Fell and cracked his head open.  You feel like such a bad parent when something like that happens to your baby, it didn't bleed but his skull was cracked:,( I was seriously, three feet away, and he is a one year old who literally is always climbing and getting into trouble, it is very rare if you don't see a bruise or a scratch on this kids face, he is just into everything, but this time was literally the worst... right as he fell i screamed and shot up and went to him and picked him up and immediately looked at his eyes to see if the pupils were dilated, they were, i tested his reactions and to see if he responded to things, he was screaming which didn't make things easier, i cradeled him and the doctor later said to keep him awake and to keep his head elevated, it wasn't the worst they had seen by any means but it was still a crack and a concussion, pretty serious.  seeing your baby hurt, is the worst feeling and you just ache for them.  My heart has never ever beat so fast in my life and i was so terrified.  If anything happened to my small Shiloh, i would never forgive myself.
- My chicken, Pippin got attacked by a cat, and when i sent the dogs after the cat, Sam attacked the cat,  the neighbor ( who is hispanic whom nobody likes in the ward... )  Figures, came over and yelled. That cat attacked my chickens! I was rightfully protecting my family. I feel terrible about the cat, it was only doing what cats do.  My cat however doesn't hurt the chickens. She loves them. I didn't know Sam would be that protective. i sent them out to scare it, not hurt it,  Sam is such a loyal and calm dog, but he obviously saw that the chicken was in danger.  I feel terrible about the cat. The chickens were in my yard, just grazing and doing their thing and they never go outside of my yard, they stay near and are very loyal. Pippin is alright, no harm, i just am worried about the cat :( even though it did wrong to my babies, i still love animals. hope its okay
- president monson's wife passed on and it just really made me sad, i never knew the man but the dedication he had for that woman and his church is unbelievable.. my heart goes out to him..
- we watched the last office finale tonight and can i just say how hurt i was?  They had to put in a baby who got abandoned... why the hell did they need to put that clip in. It bugs me so bad when kids get treated like dirt, because their parents dont know how to be parents and dont care too.. it hurts me, No child should be treated like that or abandoned. It ruined the whole show, after that point ( twenty minutes into the show, not even that) i stopped watching really.
- had an open house scentsy party/cookie lee jewelry  and the people who said they would come, bailed. Leaving me with the food made, and everything else i had gotten ready. I don't just do it to sell stuff, i do it to visit and talk with my friends/family. I don't get to do that often, :( i love scentsy and have done it for three years, it makes me feel like i have a job, i love the smells, the people. and  helping to bring in money, I know Ben brings in great money, he is very successful  and does well, but i do the same routine everyday ( i love being a mom don't get me wrong) but i want to feel like i'm doing something too, besides being a mom. If that makes any sense.
- Mowed the lawn,  biggest mistake of my life. Even though i had surgery three weeks ago, its still very tender and healing, i mean getting your whole uterus and everything taken out is pretty serious,  Started bleeding right after,  i knew i shouldn't have done it, but there was dandelions everywhere they pop out of nowhere in like.... twenty minutes its crazy! , anyways, and it just needed to get done, if you know me at all, i like to have a nice looking house, i take pride in my home, anyways i passed out, it sucked..
it just was a bad day, this is just bits and pieces.   i just had to vent,  sorry for the depressing blog

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Never felt Healthier

As most of you know, i underwent a big surgery procedure.   Having a radical hysterectomy really does make you feel like your not a woman... but in all honestly.  I know that it was for the best. Never in my life have i ever felt so healthy. For years i have been going down a big downward spiral of no good health... it really has taken a toll on me.  I mean. having to have help watching my children for a year has really made me feel terrible   but i couldnt do it alone.  Im glad My wonderful husband Ben was there for me and my parents and Bens.  Jasper and Shiloh love going to grandmas and grandpas.  But now, i feel i can do it alone!    I am cancer free and have no more endrometriosis.  No more pain. :)
Since having my surgery, hiking has been the thing that has been making me feel awesome!
Love hiking with my boys!  
So while i have been recovering, ive got a thing for the show " Merlin"
Its pretty much amazing and i finished all 4 seasons... it was very sorely disappointing on the final episode.... No one knew about Merlin's powers... not even Arthur . And here i  was excited to see everyone's reactions of when Merlin came out and showed his true powers. Boo..... Anyways. its one of those things where you become so obsessed with a tv show ( buffy, vampire diaries, etc)  and than the whole thing ends and you have literal withdrawals.... Just so everyone knows...MERLIN IS MINE and so is Arthur.
Anyways...
  Surgery went fine. I went in and they gave me this retarded blue hat, and i looked at them and said " are you serious???   so than Dr Pead came back with another blue hat, but with tropical stuff on it:)  glad he knows me well enough,  i was pretty nervous going in and was sweating up a storm and really just freaking out and my anesthesiologist came in, and my mom worked with him, and he said that this medicine would calm me down....ya it was a tranquilizer hahah so after that i didnt remember squat.  All i remember is going in and Dr Pead holding my hand.    I trust my doctor. He has been through every surgery with me and i see him as a second father.. i'm really close to Dr Pead.   He got me through it :)   
I was in the hospital for a night and a half. I couldn't even walk.. i had to have a catheter in, and i couldn't even go pee... i had to re learn how to walk it was like, the pain was literally unbearable.. the air they put inside of you while having surgery is the worst.  But i had Ben by my side and i was in LDS hospital. Both parents  have worked there for about 40 years. So i know that hospital and most of the doctors due to that.  So i felt comfortable and i felt i was in good hands.   
i love my life. :) sorry its such a boring blog lol