Jasper witnessed death today...

Jasper witnessed death today. A cat got hit in the road.. i did not know how to shelter him from it. it just happened.  As he cried. i told him  even though those who are gone, are with us as we go on.  sometimes you just have to be strong. Death is apart of life.   Your journey has only begun and this kitty's journey has ended. And he is in the best place possible. In the arms of Jesus.  And Jasper just said " oh.."   and than he turned to me and said " Mom?"

and i replied with " yes?"  love you mom..  i love you too sweetheart. Very much.

i seriously have the best son possible. :)  and i learned today that sometimes you cant shelter your kids from everything. you need to let them witness things and experience the feelings of things and teach them. 

This earth is so scary and death is apart of life.  I have never accepted death. i have fought against it my whole life. When someone died, i felt abandoned.. and now i see my son, i just want him to know that death sometimes can be scary but in all reality its apart of life....   Hard day for my son. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Dad! He has been my rock for my whole life. Its funny, you never realize how much your parents do for you UNTIL you YOURSELF become a parent. I look at my son and sometimes I want to scream because he talks back and is kinda naughty sometimes, than I look back at myself and all the times I hurt my dad or mom. My dad was ALWAYS the one who stood firm and never let me out of his sight and I took it as ' oh my gosh hes so annoying” when in all reality he was doing it because he loved me. My dad has always been there through everything. SO has my mom. When ever Im sad or I cant sleep not ONCE has he ever downed me for calling at 2 am or pushed me away. He is the rock in my life. And the one man I know will never leave me along side with my husband and sons.

He has taught me:

• to always say thank you
• to always keep your house clean for visitors
• to finish what you start
• to get your payments in ontime
• to not give up
• to stay consistant
• if people have bad customer service, talk to the manager
• dont yell, write letters
• dont fight
• that the lds church is true
• that he used to drink and smoke and how the effects of it are bad.
• Treat your spouce with respect
• if you dont get your math homework you stay up and do it till you get it.
• He taught me never to let anyone treat me like total crap.
• Love your family.
• Love your friends
• he taught me how to keep friends.
• To always write legibly on my homework. And how important it is. I never realized how important that was till I saw all the mens handwriting now a days...you cant even read anything.
  
  
  

He is Almost 70 and still running 25 mile marathons. He is the healthiest man I have ever seen and he has the most perfect white hair. Im proud to call him my Dad. Not only dad but my daddy. And im glad he is my sons grandpa. Im grateful for all he and my mom have done. But my daddy will always be my hero. 

BEN CAUGHT IN THE ACT. He does love my PRINCESS. :)

No matter how many times Benjamin says he doesnt like cats... he loves this one. I PROMISE!!! :)

Here is the proof. :p and plus he talks to her all the time like she is human. There fore.... he loves my princess:)

Good News? oh wait..thats another week... grrr

Ok.. so i get it.. This baby is not ready to come out yet..thats fine.. whatever...  even if his due date was two weeks ago.. i get it.. BUT SERIOUSLY!!!!! Cummon!!! I feel i have been a trooper keeping this baby inside of me and keeping him healthy and happy.. maybe to comfortable.. i think its time for him to come. He obviously gets his procrastination skills from his father or just the Miller side ..PERIOD. they all are procrastinators. The Schnebly side is " Lets go get things done. NOW. Sooner the better" I cant help but wonder if we will have another Ben baby or maybe even get a Kelly baby. 

SO I GET INDUCED NEXT WEEK! i know induction is somewhat irresponsible to some people.. buuut he should not be this late.. no matter how comfy he is, it will not be as comfy as he will be in my arms. i promise that. 

The doctors say he is almost up to 7 1/2 pounds now.. 

Peachy  now i really am considering a c section.. there is no way in crap i am going to be able to push out an 8 pound baby... buuut....good news is i broke the record.. My biological family on both sides have only carried 5 pound babies... so... thats good news. But i guess we will see.   I still think my doctor is crazy.. 

He said i would have had the baby already if he was not oblique.  I have real contractions and i go into labor but he is sideways kinda so he doesn't push out he pushes down on my hip bones and IT HURTS! they tried to move him.. "tried"  and right as they did , he went straight back to the position he was originally in... i wonder where he gets that stubbornness...eh???  He is not in distress or anything he just likes to push my buttons and the doctors.. i think he is getting to comfortable.. what do you think?  Never in my life will i ever have another baby. Its been to hard on my body. I've been holding on a thin string for a long long time.

Happily Ever After. Our Anniversary.

Ben took me to " Our hotel" its where everything has ever happened.  Its our spot.  We went shopping, ate out, went to the book store, relaxed, went to get foot massages/ pedicures,went to the movies, it was perfect.  I loved it. Ben always said to me " Kel the first two years are the hardest, and we're going to get through it happily"  and look at us:)  two years being married. Known the guy for 8 and im still in love with him as i was when i first saw him in the atrium at woods cross walking alone in those black pants and his shaggy hair. :)  he has been so wonderful to me. Never once has he gone without saying sorry first, he is ALWAYS the one who says sorry first even if he didn't do anything wrong, He is ALWAYS honest.. and i mean it.. when i tell him just lie about this just this once lol he says, " I wont lie" he has taken care of me to the fullest extent and has been that example to me that i have always needed in my life.  I LOVE THIS MAN.   I am glad we " work it" and im glad and comfortable knowing that this man will never leave me and we are going to be together forever.  He is the best father, and husband and friend anyone could ever ask for. He goes above and beyond for me. And not once has he ever raised his voice at me. I could never ask God for a greater blessing than Benjamin and My sons. Thank you Benji for all you do. I love you. 

My gift to him :)

Chocolates, a Sea shell bracelet and a card that made me cry. <3

His present to me. :)

Hyper as can be.

At the book store) just chilling out. One of our most favorite things ever.

Pedicures!!

Yes...he was way comfy:)

  

SHILOH WILLIAM MILLER!

Went into maternal fetal medicine today with Ben to see if i should be induced.   He is in the canal. Im dialated to a 4 and effaced 90  there is no way the nurse said id even last a week.  She said to hold off till i can go naturally because when they induce they have to put in a chemical or whatever to get it started and it could effect baby and mommy.  SOOOO...another week and lets hope sooner!!   He is close to 7 pounds and HAS A TON OF HAIR! we saw a ton of hair on the ultrasound:)  he is going to have alot of hair the nurse said:)   He is ready to go were just waiting till he gives the final say ;p  


SHILOH WILLIAM MILLER!!!  BABY CAKES! Hurry your tiny cute butt up!!! I cant do this much longer!  Mommy will do anything to keep you safe and healthy though and if that means another week..so be it!  your brother was only 5 pounds and your a whopping 7 pounder.. stop growing!!!!! hahahaha!! there is no way i am going to be able to push out a 7 or 8 pound baby!  Your such a tease. I wonder where you get that from...BENJAMIN!!!  


SOOO... here we go. Another week.  Lets hope not that long:)  I cant wait to hold you my sweet baby.  Your brother im afraid is going to have go warm up to you.. he likes to think his mommy is his only. :)  I just hope you both know, I will love you both the same. Not any less than the other and i will always be here for you two buggins. Jasper will love you eventually. Just let him be angry for a bit. Im afraid he is a lot like me.. a jealous person and scared :) but thats just him. he loves his mommy and daddy and is worried he wont be loved. Let him be mad for awhile he will grow out of it. i know that because he is ...me:) Jasper and you are my everything and your mommy and daddy and brother await your arrival and you are blessed to be sent to this family especially with a father like Benjamin. Your going to be loved to the fullest.  Love you sweetie..

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PARENTS.

 Its my parents anniversary today.  THE DAY AFTER VALENTINES DAY. and all i can say is, they raised me to the best of their ability and i am proud to call them my parents.  They truly work at their marriage.  I am hoping i can be like them someday. Old, and are to comfortable with each other that they dont have to worry about how they look or anything and they can actually feel comfortable farting around each other :p  i dont think i can ever get to that point hahahahh  but hey, its love...
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DADDY. I LOVE YOU. 

My daddy taught me how to dance and when i saw this it reminded me of him and mommy dancing:)

On another note...


While i was in the hospital i was watching a documentary on the most dangerous gang....  M3-13 gang.. and i was sitting there thinking... holy crap my son is going to be raised in a world where there is actually murder, porn, scary things out there...violence.. and it made me cringe. It made me realize how important it is to teach them.  And i thought of all the places where i feel safe and to move too with my family to keep them safe, because im just a paranoid person.  My only solution was to stay strong in the church.  i feel safe with the people there and the love. I feel safe with my husband and son.    Thats what matters.   I JUST HAD TO VENT ABOUT THAT LOL   Anyways.  another update. i go into maternal fetal medicine tomorrow to see if i can be induced.  IF they say yes, i will be having a baby tomorrow! lets hope:)

caught in the act!!!!

hahaahha THATS MY BOY!

Update.

So after being in labor for 4 days it finally stopped. And than had a gallbladder attack:( so were dealing with that stress now. BUT hey at least no more contractions right? ...LOL  im effaced 80 percent and dilated to a 3 now.  so i guess ultimately, hes almost here:)  just waiting around for him to say" HEY MOM IM COMING!!!"   meh. eh heh... until than im going to try to not think of it.. the more i think about it the more i get disappointed because he isn't coming WHEN AND WHERE I WANT HIM TOO haahah so maybe i just wont think about it, and he will come sooner.. HAHAH!  but just watch... with my luck he will go over due. :-/ yes. my luck sucks! On a good note. Ben got a raise today! so exciting. Im so grateful he has a wonderful job with people who just love him and treat him with the upmost respect possible. :)   Anyways. Jasper knows there is a baby coming... he doesn't like it very much... he sits there and hits my tummy and says " GO AWAY"  :( makes me worried. i hope the two of them get along. I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE!  Im ready to pop. :-/    very much so. Whats the point in wearing any pants at all now? They just fall off my hips because my tummy is overly large... its embarrassing. Not to mention that all the maternity shirts i have as well, dont fit, because my tummy dropped and it comes out from the bottom of the shirts.. way more embarrassing! 

IM READY

  ok so stopping labor all the time has taken its toll. I now will just let him come. I am so done being pregnant.  Jaspers pregnancy was a breeze other than i just fainted alot. 


Jaspers pregnancy:
------------------------
* fainted a ton
* had a hard time breathing
* sat on ribs alot.


and when i was done being pregnant with Jazz, i got on the elliptical when i was 38 weeks and " literally" ran two miles and made myself feel pain and next morning...POOF :)   Jasper Benjamin Miller   5 lbs 15 oz 21 " long. :) 


Shiloh's pregnancy:
--------------------------
* cervical cancer crap
* diabetes
* cracked hip bone
*  cant breathe
* cant walk
*  my boobs have literally gone into size D and im originally a A or B
* concussions a ton.
* anxiety to a max
* nostril polyps
*  to heavy to carry my own weight
* grew new allergies to everything... including perfumes :(  
* kicks bladder to much...( that is his main kicking point
* gone into labor 10 times... 


  im going to run until i go into labor thats all i can say.  wish me luck..


its been hell. I am ready to just say im done.    its to hard and its way to exguasting to do with a toddler running around...  my motivation is at a total 0.     im ready to be done. i am done.   im going to go on a run until i go into labor. wish me luck!!!!

JUST SO ALL OF YOU KNOW....

BEN and I can now do baptisms for the dead...   and the bishop said when the baby comes, he will give us the other recommend to be sealed:)   Just thought you all should know that. Oh and for the people who said to ben and i that we would never make it but in all reality you knew nothing of us or the situation at hand.... TAKE THAT!!!

Ben...

please...

This is ME.

I feel its often important to remember who you are and what you stand for in life.  A lot of times you loose who you are and forget what you have built for yourself if that makes sense. I want to take time to express a few things and situations.
  Im what they call a spitfire, or whippersnapper, or unique :) im very spunky. A lot of people dont like that. or cant really take it.  I tend to think a lot that im not capable of many things and i compare to a lot of people my lifestyle compared to theirs and in all reality, i have a great life. Im classy and i have a great husband and son.    When i first got pregnant almost everyone thought i couldn't do it. They told me to give it up for adoption etc.. and i looked at them and smiled and said, "watch me do it and when you watch me take notes because when it comes time to you being pregnant, you will be coming to ME for advise." So here comes april 1st 2010 and i had my little boy. Ever since than i have had so many people come to me asking for advise etc. and telling me how great of a mom i am. and i sit there and i look back and i just smile at those people who now come to me for advise who looked down on me in my time of need.  I've come to realize that MY mistakes are what made me who i am today.  My whole life i have been independent and stubborn . I liked to isolate and just do things my way, not to be defiant but because i loved being alone i figured it was easier to be around myself than others who judged me off of what others said about me.  i got taken to many counselors because of this. and i forgot who i really was because they put me on so many different medications that i couldn't even remember why i was alive. Dr Grey i remember  asked who i thought i was and i said " ill be whoever you want me to be"  it was sad.  So i went off and tried new things trying to find out who i was, and where i stood in life. i got taken off so many medicines and put on new ones that i was wack.. when i turned 18 i finally had the right to say " STOP" and since than i have figured out who i am and where i want to go in life.    it took 7 years to cap up everything and make my life better and to re mend everything.   i am an amazing person and i have come so far.   I wanted to just express this for some reason. i dont really know why.....  i guess it was a realization.